Part Four: Be Careful HOW you Care. "Of all the preposterous assumptions of humanity over humanity, nothing exceeds most of the criticisms made on the habits of the poor by the well-housed, well- warmed, and well-fed." -Herman Melville At the homeless village people would “donate” broken electronics, wires and cables that had been chewed through by animals, busted, filthy, stained furniture and bedding, dirty clothes with holes and questionable stains and food containers that still had moldy food or grease clinging tenaciously to the sides. And in the Summer we got rotten vegetables, pretty neat, and very telling of how people see "the homeless." All the while, we had to smile and be grateful to be a dump, to be garbage people. Drop off your trash with the people who are trash. It’s no wonder people felt dehumanized, I know I felt it. I just didn’t make the same choice the other villagers tended to make, I didn't curl up in it and use it as an excuse to act like trash. Anyway, this is about caring and generosity and how those things are made manifest. This is an exploration of what it all says about the givers as well as the receivers. From people who think they're helping by telling you they wouldn't help if you were lying in a gutter drawing your last breath, to people who think they're helping you by giving you their garbage. And they question MY choices? ... To get back on track here, I will say this; part of it is my own fault. I was vulnerable at the village. My health was degrading, my daughter had her first seizure, I had to get a heart monitor inserted into my chest. It was rough. I wanted another family and thought I found one in a job, making good friends I had become loyal to, I was wrong. Being thought of as garbage at the village had me constantly wanting to be better, to be the best me I could be. Better than garbage and better than people who make erroneous assumptions of others without all the information. I wonder what motivates people to do better when they already consider themselves perfect or at least, better, than everyone else. I could ask my "family" I suppose. It's my opinion that people who think they have nothing to learn will inevitably learn nothing. ... As to the bigger picture, discrimination isn’t just about race, it’s also about class, and poverty doesn’t give a toss about your race or your feelings or any other preferences you may have. You can't just identify as a good person and instantly be one like you can with womanhood, you actually have to BE one. I identify as the 99th Luftballon I identify as Rocket Science. If you get de-humanized enough you end up expecting it and ultimately setting yourself up for it without even realizing it. I’m not trying to assign blame by retelling these events, blame has nothing to do with it, I made the choices I made. Sure, I was deceived, used, taken advantage of, beaten down, and set up to fail at every turn, but that doesn’t change the facts, all things considered, I turned out amazing. I could have gone with the whole “tragic childhood” victim card deck [BORING] but I don’t play that kind of cards. Sure, I’ve become a little cynical, or should I say, a little more cynical, but believe me when I say, I try to keep it in check. Balance is my goal, balance in as many things as possible. I want to work despite the ASSumption that I don't. I don’t want to sit around collecting government checks as so many out there are resigned to do. I'm not great with taking, I never took any of the stimulus checks during the pandemic, I didn't even get food stamps because it felt wrong to me since I'd lost my job due to the pandemic and wasn't paying taxes. I’ve observed that if you build your livelihood out of being sick, you inevitably must perpetuate a toxic environment to maintain that sickness. I want to regain my health not lose it. So I won't fake some type of illness as I was instructed to at the village, just to get a payout. That's not who I am. I want to make my own medicines again, to supplement what the doctors are telling me about my heart, with their permission, of course. I want a decent job, I want to sit in a regular chair and use a flushing toilette. I want to be able to store food and prepare it. I want to know why most people don't see how lucky they are. I want to be left alone, it's better than the alternative these days I'm sad to say. *UPDATE* Halloween 2023, we've been housed for one year. It's weird re-acclimating to living like humans again. Walking from one room to another, sometimes we do it just for fun. Having a real bathroom again, a table. We hadn't had a table to sit at for over five years. Making the best out of re-humanization in balance with the feeling we could lose it all at any time and not even have a trailer to go to. Another challenge? Challenge accepted! NEXT- Part 4B: Still here? Thank You for your time!
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IMAGE: Our cat Juneau from when we lived out East.
Author says...there are those who say it better...
"Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body." ArchivesCategories |